easter weekend

a new awareness, and strange succession of things. quiet good friday, quiet streets, walking through a silent still suburbia in the hot sun, those weird naked white trees that look like nude hairless appendages, long long bodies with folds of skin in the creases. the most public of all public holidays. talking on the phone with relatives - vaguely, distant conversation. i try to end it quickly, it is tiring. saturday night at a party. we don't really talk to anyone much. it's fine like this. not that we don't know anyone but it seems unnecessary to make conversation. we hang out in the disco room, the laser light is really cool, when you stand in it's beams, it feels like they're tickling your face, eating your face, a strange sensation. we go home, and after googling "how to roll a cigarette", we smoke. the house is ours. i assemble a quick playlist, which turns out to be perfect. funny how that happens. we fall into a deep quiet. "i feel really light" he says. i say, "i feel really heavy". we mean the same thing. then sleep. easter sunday, a strange mix of friends, family, traditions, feeling homely, a quiet night at work. that night we smoke a little more and watch twin peaks. i am heavy again and notice myself drifting, things slipping. it's ok. reading murakami puts me into an even more hallucinatory mood. today it's overcast, stormy. it smells like rain, the world is tapping by. we listen to In Rainbows. drums and cymbols, ping pong balls. i remember the dream i had last night. of all my clothes being for sale, and people buying all my favourite ones, and me, regrettably, selling them and feeling conflicted. everything is, as far as i can tell, real and happening.