the overall strength of a magnet is measured by its "magnetic moment"

just came in from lying out under the stars. everything is vibrating, like magnets, the poles of magnets: repelling, resisting each other with so much energy. so much quivering expectant energy. out of the corner of my eyes i see little iron filings shifting around between the magnets, tiny movements, but everything is sliding, slipping. a single shooting star: it shocks me, as it would anyone after twenty minutes of non-shooting stars. so dramatic after all this subtlety, it had a long tail (does that make it a comet?), a big fuck off comet to end it all and i come inside.

buckminster fuller had undetected bad vision as a kid, making the whole world a mass of blurry coloured circles, and it wasn't until they discovered it and he got glasses that he realised this wasn't how things actually were. it gave him an entirely different perception of how everything fit together. he said he preferred the world when it was blurry.

HEART BURN. to do to last a few weeks. (you are only coming through in waves)

email alex spremberg, new job, return all the borrowed stuff i'm hoarding, washing, clean room, swim some more, grants, freerange, email jackson, find another book, finish old book, collective website, trans-continental projects, melbourne/sydney, call dad, pump up bike tyres, avocado, frozen peas, finances bleh, 6000 contribution, call roberto the mechanic, myer vouchers, aquarium...

all the tv people look really scary ugly these days. hideously distorted features, makeup. i can't tell if i just never noticed before or if they have actually gotten uglier.


you know when you can focus your vision, or un-focus your vision, rather, so intensely that you can consciously hallucinate? i like that.

it happened to me on the weekend, i drove for a long time, restlessly, before i settled at the foreshore in nedlands, i drove right to the end, where the boats go in, where i could see the moon beaming down on the river. the light was hitting the water so abstractedly, and suddenly i was looking at fish jumping, rain splashing into a pool, ticketape, crazy ants on the tv, static. it was great. i was also sober. yeah. i've been having some really great sober experiences lately, i think it's because i've felt really aware of myself, and my body and my place in the world, that i notice these sensations that i might otherwise be too busy or distracted to notice their effect on my body.

these are great leaps.


p.s. giant translucent elastic pools filled with water, suspended high above, light shining down through the water, argentinian bodies flung through the water, and belly flops, unrelenting fearless impressive belly flops. best tv i've watched in years. thanks eurovision.

easter weekend

a new awareness, and strange succession of things. quiet good friday, quiet streets, walking through a silent still suburbia in the hot sun, those weird naked white trees that look like nude hairless appendages, long long bodies with folds of skin in the creases. the most public of all public holidays. talking on the phone with relatives - vaguely, distant conversation. i try to end it quickly, it is tiring. saturday night at a party. we don't really talk to anyone much. it's fine like this. not that we don't know anyone but it seems unnecessary to make conversation. we hang out in the disco room, the laser light is really cool, when you stand in it's beams, it feels like they're tickling your face, eating your face, a strange sensation. we go home, and after googling "how to roll a cigarette", we smoke. the house is ours. i assemble a quick playlist, which turns out to be perfect. funny how that happens. we fall into a deep quiet. "i feel really light" he says. i say, "i feel really heavy". we mean the same thing. then sleep. easter sunday, a strange mix of friends, family, traditions, feeling homely, a quiet night at work. that night we smoke a little more and watch twin peaks. i am heavy again and notice myself drifting, things slipping. it's ok. reading murakami puts me into an even more hallucinatory mood. today it's overcast, stormy. it smells like rain, the world is tapping by. we listen to In Rainbows. drums and cymbols, ping pong balls. i remember the dream i had last night. of all my clothes being for sale, and people buying all my favourite ones, and me, regrettably, selling them and feeling conflicted. everything is, as far as i can tell, real and happening.

some huge, cosmic love.

"Sometimes, when one is moving silently through such an utterly desolate landscape, an overwhelming hallucination can cause one to feel that oneself, as an individual human being, is slowly unravelling. The surrounding space is so vast that it becomes more and more difficult to keep a balanced grip on one's own being. I wonder if I am making myself clear? The mind expands to fill the entire landscape, becoming so diffuse in the process that one loses the ability to keep it fastened to the physical self."
(Murakami - The Wind Up Bird Chronicle)